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| Tonight I just really had some things on my heart, and I had to get them out. I hope you like the poem that I wrote... only way I could seem to express myself tonight. Lord, I grow tired and weak, yet You keep reminding me to trust in You. There are so many things I seek, but the answers you give me are few. I know that when I grow close to You is when you will give me rest, But sometimes I'm stubborn and I think that I know best. When i fall on my knees and surrender, And lay everything down at your cross, I find that my heart becomes tender, And maybe its not such a loss. When you take my hardened heart and turn it to your face, Maybe I can find where I'm supposed to serve, and you'll show me my place. I long to know the plans you have for me, I yearn to know how my life turns out, I pray so many nights that you will let me see, Just what my story is all about. I know that you're the writer and you've got the pen, But sometimes I want a glimpse... It's hard to be patient until then. Until I walk with you daily, Until I give you my whole heart, I cannot truly see my story, I can only see the start. I can see the part that I've already lived, I can see the mistakes I have made, I can see how I've hurt you Lord and all the compassion you give. I'm blessed that you have saved my soul, I'm amazed at your wonderous grace, I love that when I am weak you are strong- you are what makes me whole. I guess tonight I come to you with the ground beneath my face, praying for the answers, that I'm not sure I'm even ready to take. Lord I know I'm searching, but really its only for Your word. I pray tonight I can give to you all the praises that you deserve. I know that I am selfish and I want my own way, But please Lord let me live, and walk the path that YOU have set for me today. | | |
| It has been such a long time. I can't even describe how amazing these past few months have been. There have been so many great things God has done. He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords and he is the author of my story, and for that I am so grateful. Within the last 2 months, God has put some amazing girls, no women, in my life. He has shown me what the true meaning of fellowship is, and what it means to truly bare one another's burdens. If you do not have a close nit group of believers that you can share with, I definately suggest that you pray that God puts people into your life that you can have that special bond with. It is so great to have those people in my life. Something that has been on my mind lately, with the rush of school, and the importance of homework, and tests, and studying, and this and that.... is how busy our lives have gotten. Its like we all compete to be the busiest... when really, the only thing that matters is if we are spreading the word of God. I think sometimes I, myself, get so wrapped up in my own agenda and schedule, that I totally miss out on what God has scheduled for me. The amazing thing is that his plan is usually way different than my own, but for great reasons. He has the greatest way of setting you up with a divin appointment just when you think you're "late". God knows you're in the perfect spot at the perfect time. What overwhelms my heart tonight is that so many times I pass right by those appointments that God has set because I am in tune with myself, and not with what God is doing. It is so my prayer that we can focus on the appointments that God has made for us, even though we may not know what the are... but that we can be aware that He wants to use us to spread His word, and to reach out to His people. Is your life busy tonight? Are we busy for God, doing this and that and this bible study and that small group... Now don't get me wrong, those are all amazing things... like I said in the first part of my note.... but they do become part of the distraction if we are too busy with all of those things to listen to what God is telling us and get out there for Him and do His work and share His word. Lets not be busy for God, but instead be Active for Him in the since that we do things for His kingdom, including small group, bible study, church, but also, being in tune with our surroundings and even in the midst of the hustle and bustle of our busy lives..... we listen to God when he says, "Be still, and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10. Are we being still and quiet enough to hear from God? That is my prayer. Let us listen to God's voice for our lives. Are we busy or active? | | |
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- For the girls who have cried to sleep at night because they think they are not good enough.
- For the girls who are self conscious about their looks even though they are beautiful.
- For the girls who've been there.
- For the girls who refuse to be another one of those girls.
- For the girls who think thier standards are too high because the guys they date never meet them.
- For the girls who think there's not a guy out there for them.
- For the girls who think they're not good enough.
- For the girls who think their too fat, or too thin, or too tall, or too short.
- For the girls that have had their heart broken.... a few times.
- For the girls that trust and then get stepped on.
- For the girls too intimidated to speak their mind.
- For the girls who search for thier own identity outside of a relationship.
- For the girls who want to be independent in Christ.
- For the girls who feel forgotten.
Know that you are beautiful in God's eyes. This was really on my heart today... just thought I'd get it out. I know there are girls out there that have a tough time... and go through times in their life. Just know that God sees you as beautiful and perfect. This song inspired me... maybe it will do the same for you.
ZOEgirl: Plain
It made you feel plain when he forgot your name
Let me tell you something
I have felt the same
I know you're in pain, but there'll be another boy along the way
God, He made you beautiful and
There's nothing about you that's plain
CHORUS
You are a jewel, you are a treasure
You are one of a kind
And you shine just as bright as the stars in the sky
You're a rare kind of wonder, created just right
So keep your head up no matter the pain
There's nothing about you that's plain
You tell me you're not the type, the kind of girl that they like
And you're a little insecure about how you look in their eyes
Well, fashion will change, and trends come and go every day
But God only made one of you and
There's nothing about you that's plain
CHORUS
See your mind is precious
Though your heart may be restless
And your eyes they will see all that you're meant to be
'Cause your spirit is strong and your soul carries on
You keep your head up no matter the pain
There's nothing about you that's plain
Ya know, I have my days when I feel out of place, yeah
I look at who I am, I cover what I can
I wish it all would change
But you take the make-up away, you'll see the same girl still remains
She may not feel that beautiful but
There's nothing her that's plain
CHORUS
And you are a jewel, you are a treasure
You are one of a kind
And you shine just as bright as the stars in the sky
You're a rare kind of wonder, created just right
So keep your head up no matter the pain
I'll keep my head up no matter the pain
We'll keep our heads up no matter the pain
There's nothing about you that's plain
You may have felt plain, but God He knows your name
Let me tell you something, yeah...
There's nothing about you that's plain | | |
| Wow. What can I say... It is so cliche to start this thing off with that... actually I seem to do that often.... but there has been so much goin on and God has been an amazing presence through all of it... I think that is the only thing that comes to my mind to describe how I am feeling.
God is doing some incredible things in my life right now.... he is continually showing me that if I seek after Him that He will comfort me and guide me through.
One thing that has changed monumentally is the situation with my job. In previous journals I have discussed the nature of my job and how it brings my spirit to the lowest possible point and that I become a bitter person when I am there. I know I was put there for a reason, but God had really been weighing on my heart for a while about it. My parents own a small business and they could use some help at their office. One of the things that always got to me about my job is that I really didn't have an opportunity to get involved with anything dealing with my faith. I have to miss BSM most of the time because I end up working late, or I have to leave church early on sundays to get to work and then come in to Truth late because I have to close. Recently a few of my friends and I got the opportunity to help out with a youth retreat weekend and it was absolutly amazing. I wanted to be able to do more of these things this summer, but I knew with the job that I have that would not be possible. To make an even longer story shorter... I prayed about my current position at my job and I decided to quit. I hate it because in a way I feel like a quitter, but in other ways my spirit is so comforted because I know that things will be better in the long run. Another great point is that I am going to be working with my parents and they are so great when it comes to church and my involvement with things of that nature and if I need to take off they are much more lenient about it. Praise God for opening doors.
Also lately I have been really blessed to be surrounded with great Christian fellowship. My roomates of course always keep me on track and it is so encouraging to walk along side them as fellow christians. We have become great friends with two other great girls and we are going to be living with them starting in July and I can't wait to see what God is going to do with that. He has been amazing in providing Christian infulences in my life. I have gotten to know some great guys as well, and it definately makes me hopeful that there is a guy out there for me with some of the charictaristics that they have. It is encourging to know that there are still christian men out there... it just makes me ever so much more hopeful to see what God will do.
I've been struggling with a certain situation lately.... but last night I definately got some perspective on it..... it is great how God can use things that can seem to be a step back to really reveal to you something that you need to hear. Praise God for his faithfulness.
Words of inspiration written during class today:
Be with me today
and help me find a peace of mind
Its so easy to lose my way
but i am thankful that you seek to find.
You are my saving grace
my King of Kings
help me to seek your face
and bring you glory through everything.
You are the one in which I live for
because Your word speaks to me.
You are my Father who I adore,
and you're the only one I need.
A great song that I'm hooked on... the lyrics are so amazing. Definately move me to the very core... here ya go... take a look:
Aaron Shust - My Savior My God
From the album Anything Worth Saying
I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior
I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior
Chorus (2x’s)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior’s always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be
Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior
Chorus (2x’s)
(Instrumental)
Chorus: (2x’s)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior loves, My Savior lives | | |
| This past weekend was amazing. I have been trying to find time to write about it, and now I find myself in the computer lab and I have about 30 minutes until my next class. What an opportunity. (Really I've already checked my myspace and my facebook and I just want a chance to do something lol) naa, anyway- This weekend me and Amanda were small group leaders for the 8th grade girls at "Fusion". We stayed in "Mike Jones'" house... haha... the dude's name was Michael Jones and the girls were like, haha!! Anyway- some amazing things went down this weekend. The first time we met with our girls on thursday night we weren't sure how the weekend would turn out. The girls seemed really nice, but they were focused on SO many other things. Mainly boys. Go figure an 8th grade girl wants to talk about boys all the time. lol Anyway- after thursday I really prayed hard for God to focus their hearts and open them up for the weekend. It's amazing how when we ask God for something that is sincerely for Him he will grant it. On friday we met at the church, had our first Fusion worship and preaching and then went to our host home for small group. The girls were incredible. We talked about how God always gives us "paint cans" (they symbolize all the bible studies we go to, church services, sermons, etc.) but we just put the can in the corner when we get home and never actually paint anything. We are told so many spiritual things everywhere we go, but we never actually apply them to our lives. That night was amazing just sitting and talking to the girls and getting to know them on a deeper basis. The next morning we got up and got ready for Fusion large group, then had another small group session, Fusion large group and then it was time for IRON MAN!!! The iron man competition is a contest between all the grade levels. We were with the 8th grade boys. Our mission: Run around SHSU campus taking pictures of certain land marks. Ie- ABI, a fire hydrant, Sam Houston Statue, Inside Kaldi's... etc. The Catch: Each team was given a king size mattress that they had to carry with them.... in the picture, we had to put the matress infront of the land mark and EVERYONE on the team had to be ON TOP OF THE MATRESS. LOL! We had about 30 people in our group so it was HILARIOUS! Not to mention... there were "OOGA BOOGAS" that would walk around campus and if they saw you, you had to drop your matress wherever you were and start jumping on it. ALL OF YOU. If you didnt do it in time they had socks filled w/ flower and they could throw them at you. If they hit you you had to get down on the matress for a one minute penalty. lol This was freaking hilarious. I will never forget running around campus w/ a freakin matress and a bunch of 8th graders. Our team got 4th  !!! lol Not too shabby. Anyway- that night we had our last Fusion large group and that is where the speaker presented the gospel. It was amazing how God moved in the hearts of all those youth. I think the total for salvations was 17 (2 of them were girlst from our group.) WOW. I was amazed. I could not stop crying. It was incredible. God definately did alot this weekend. I definately am going to keep in contact with those in my group to encourage them and pray for them. It was amazing. Awesome definately! Praise God.
Anyway- that's my awesome story from this weekend. I learned so many things even though i was there as a small group leader. Definately a blessing to be able to go.
So yesterday I had a mental breakdown about my job. I really hate it and I just feel like it really brings me down. Please pray for me because I might be making a huge decision in the near future concerning this matter. I feel like I can't be as involved in church as i want to because I can never take off, and I feel like it is a huge weight bearing over me. Pray that I seek God's guidance in this and that He will show me the right path.
Love you Guys.
Happy late "Singles Awareness Day" AKA Valentines Day lol (BOO!!) lol | | |
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